So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize