in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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