i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
