there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
