I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
