One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
