All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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