i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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