Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
