i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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