How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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