You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
