you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
