Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
