i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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