My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
