Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
