Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
