you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
