Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
