You're my little dorito
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Randomize
