If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
this is an emotional support booty call
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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