If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
