dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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