I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
