the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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