maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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