ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
