so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
