Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
