Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
