My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
