She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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