Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
