Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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