@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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