dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
