I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
