Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
smell my finger.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i now understand why vodka
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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