Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
