I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
