I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
