he wants to bone in the snuggie
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
