Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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