I can tuck mytits in my pants
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
