my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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