i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
