DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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