Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize