Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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