just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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