Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
