Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
