Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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