I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
