Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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