I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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