btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
