I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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