textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
