i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
