i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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