i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
