I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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