It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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