Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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