My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
