i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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