We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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