Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
