If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
