Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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