How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
