wat bout pragnant strippers??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
