Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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