do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
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Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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