The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
