I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
