What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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